さよなら - Goodbye

Matt Bryant, does his point-dance-fight.



I think sometimes the chapters of our lives must be forced closed. I've been longing for some kind of closure, some way to neatly package my time in Japan. I wanted a symmetrical way to store it in my memory.

I've recently realized this kind of packaging of memories comes much later, through the revisiting of events that make up a span of time.

My parents have been unbelievably supportive of me. Not so unbelievably, actually, they've always been that way. I know I'd have lost it, gone nuts, foaming at the mouth and what not, had it not been for them.

My hammock fell from the top of my closet and onto my head the other day. I set it up in the backyard, next to a fence and between two trees gently stretched by the hurricane. I missed my friends in Japan, but realized things are ok here.

To anyone who read this blog, viewed the pictures and commented, thank you. Wish me PMA.

Midnight in Suburbia.

Reconnect

As time passes and the wounds of leaving Japan scab over I find myself reconnecting with my family and most importantly my fiancee. Most people have made this transition easier, and a few have made it nearly unbearably difficult, but I'm thankful for both. The passive or active reinvention of oneself can be painful and rewarding, but what really makes it complete is seeing what sticks when transplanted back to an old place. The way I view myself, my family, my friends and the faceless crowd in the street have changed. The way I interact, or rather the way I want to interact with all of these people has changed as well. What I want to give and receive from these interactions has changed as well. The fallout from all this is still settling. But I left Japan with a goal to deal with things better, to try to be more thoughtful in my own words and decisions and to remain positive in all things. Some will think I've blown this goal, but I'm not answering to them. For me, I'm starting a new life, not continuing an old one.

Growing closer to my fiancee has led me to feel more in tune with the rhythm of this new life and is helping me to reintegrate with my family. I am thankful for everyone's patience as I mourn what feels like the loss of my friends in Japan, and for lifestyle I'd grown accustomed.

Back home

I'm finally back home and received a wonderful welcome from my family. Currently I am in the painful throes of 'reverse' culture shock. I want to leave and go back to Japan. I feel uncomfortable here, like I was made for Japanese culture and I had to wait this long to find out. I'm back to the slovenly American culture and I'm just uncomfortable. I know this is silly to my family and friends, they are quite ready for me to just accept things and settle down. It just isn't easy. My fiancee is hurt and confused by it. Seems like I've been hurting the people I love lately. I'm not sure if I'm being a selfish jerk or just trying to be honest, the former is more likely I reckon.

I'm not sure who I feel more like, the confused foreigner or the sacred alien thing. I miss my brother.

Like Death

Leaving Japan is extremely hard for me. Saying goodbye to the people I love, people I've only known for a year, but I grew closer to them than I care to admit. I find myself angry, sad, excited and numb. It seems like I'm moving between these emotions in short intervals. Standing in line at the Northwest Airlines counter, I felt my face get hot as the blood rushed around in anger. The people in line, the americans, were rude, strange and felt foreign to me in some way. We focus completely on ourselves in America, no one else matters, it's an undeniable part of our culture.

I know I am wholly guilty of this but I'd like to think I've changed in some small way.

The people I've met in Japan, both foreign and Japanese, allowed me to look at myself in a new way. I feel like an adult, like I was able to take hold of who I am, take ownership of my own actions and thoughts. I suppose it comes with have an untethered past, at least to these folks. All they know is myself at its current incarnation. I felt loved and interesting and happy. It was a validation I think all people need at some point. I was honest and open, I sought real connections with people and my experience was overwhelmingly positive and beautiful.

I feel like I am at a funeral. There is a coldness and a sadness in me I just can't shake. An undirected anger I can't focus. And a dull anxiety poisoning my thoughts.

But in the end, if I've learned anything in Japan, a positive mind is a powerful thing. And although I'll allow myself a little time to grieve the death of my Japanese life, I am ultimately looking forward to the future.

Marine Festa!

This weekend was a great festival in Kuchinotsu. We spent the day at the beach and I caught some skim-boarders doing their thing. Then at night, we watched students perform Taiko drumming and some dancers. They capped the night off with a big fireworks display. I recently read an article about shooting photographs of fireworks so I tried it.

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A skim-boarder in mid flight.


Sometimes you can look cool while you skim.


But busting is the best part of the whole deal for me.


This guy tried a few times to jump the waves.


He's walking on water, JC style.


But then a big bust!


This guy was learning from the others. But he got really nervous when he saw my camera.


Finally we made it to the festival. I let this kid borrow my camera. He did a decent job taking photos on my last day at Kuchinotsu. Maybe he'll become a photographer.


That piglet looking kid is the photographer.


My students wearing Yukata's!!


Now the fireworks. I took about 100 photos, changing settings until I thought I was ok. I'm still not sure if I succeeded.


These were my favorite. They just dropped them off the back of the boat!


It looks like they blew up the boat.


This burning thing on the left was awesome. It was a line that shot off fireworks steadily. But the photo just looks like an inferno.


A star!


I like this one because I have no idea what happened!


Click on this picture and look at the large size. The little explosions on the end look really cool.


Maybe my favorite of the fireworks shots.

残り物 (のこりもの) - Leftovers

I was looking through my photos and found a few leftovers I wanted to put up. The timeline is really scattered, but the jumbled timeline exists like that in my mind anyway.

After I told the students I was engaged the girls got really interested and drew this on the board after lunch.


They also wrote my name in Katakana. It is pronounced like "Po - ru" And that has been my name for the past year.


My tiny town of Kazusa is so beautiful. There is a moist lump forming in my throat right now as I realize I'll be leaving in a few weeks. I took these next couple of pictures a month or two after I got here. I drove up the mountain and stood in between a cabbage patch and a field of potatoes and watched the sunset.




The wall in front of my school has this tag on it. I thought I had already posted this, but I can't find it on the blog now. If there was a rock nearby, this would be incredible. Instead it's in a parking lot.


At the Seaside park, which I've posted about before there is this little monkey.


Also a shot of the Seaside park. The Sakura were absolutely beautiful. I sent this to my mother for Mother's Day. I think she would really get into 'Hanami' (花見) or 'Cherry Blossom Viewing'.


What a year.

Beaches

I spent this weekend relaxing around the beach enjoying the scenery and my friends. I was recovering from ANOTHER cold so I kept it all low key.
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Rowan stands as a robot. Rowan is one of the most interesting people I've ever met. He's got a unique perspective on everything. Sometimes he drops nuggets of genius. Other times, I just can't follow what he's talking about.


Rowan, Chris and I talked as we sat on an ancient lava spill and watched the sun nestle into bed.


I had to put both of these up.


I love the color this time of day. We never did play soccer, Rowan kept guard of the ball though.


Sunday I sat alone on the beach near my house and played with my uberzoom macro filter. A tiny rock! on a beach! Captivating!


This sea creatures skeleton caught my eye.


The tide was way out.


Kazusa is apparently one of the best places to surf on the peninsula.


I can't blame them, it's a beautiful spot to surf!


The lone surfer waits for his wave. It shall come, and it shall be conquered, as the sky was conquered by the airplane, so shall the sea be conquered by a surfboard. And boats and ships don't count.


I'm getting really excited about coming home. I think one year was perfect, I just can't believe it's already almost over.

How to Rock

This is about the extent of my musical talent. But we had a great time playing.

Weekends

As my time here whittles down, I am trying to burn the images of this place in my mind. I want the beauty of the Japanese countryside burned into the back of my eyelids. I've heard that it's painful and that you can't really see anything on the back of your eyelids anyway. Maybe I'll just take pictures.

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Chris and I went fishing after school and he caught this monster. We are such anglers, Poseidon's knuckles are whitening as he clinches his trident in jealousy.


I brought my camera to school one day during the week because I only had a few classes. I love these flowers.


LSU flowers!


This lizard dared me with his over-the-shoulder stare. He looked to be a rough customer.


This past weekend we ventured to Miyazaki. We stopped in a town called Nobeoka, which felt smaller than it was. After a night of karaoke, we woke up early to go scuba diving. Miyazaki was incredibly beautiful but the weather was rainy so I didn't get many pictures.


A mountain road in Miyazaki.


Tim and Eric laid on the beach to "untan". That's when you lay out on the beach when its completely overcast and the possibility of a storm paces around the edge of the sky and your skin becomes whiter. The beach was still really beautiful.


This weird cave thing was on the other side of the beach. I think it'd be cool to camp inside, but its roped off. No fun allowed.


On the side, Tim models for Nutella.


So at the one of the elementary schools I go to, the school with 16 kids, the teachers photograph everything. I brought my laptop this time so I could steal some of the pictures. This is what I look like teaching.


And how about my hot pants?! They are track pants which for some reason pass for acceptable work clothes. We were playing the card slap game. I say "strawberry" and the kids have to slap the card with the picture of the strawberry. The 1st graders need a little help, so I hold up the picture. Gaijin-monkey!


The PRINCIPAL of the school helped me with the game. He's a ham and the kids love him.


After lunch the ENTIRE school had an 'assembly' to learn how to properly brush their little crooked teeth.


Kochosensei hovers over a 4th grader. I love this guy, he's one of the happiest Japanese men I've met.


The 6th graders scrub away. Everyone asked me if they did this in America. It's almost exactly the same thing I did in elementary school.


This is Ririka-chan. She is now my favorite student. She just looks at me and laughs, but I somehow know it's not bad. She's entertained by me, or maybe the idea of me.


That elementary school is my favorite school. It's so small but every student is extremely well behaved. They've all got bright personalities that I think would seem duller in a big school. All the teachers are great, too. I feel bad that they won't get an ALT next year.