I'm not sure who I feel more like, the confused foreigner or the sacred alien thing. I miss my brother.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Back home
I'm finally back home and received a wonderful welcome from my family. Currently I am in the painful throes of 'reverse' culture shock. I want to leave and go back to Japan. I feel uncomfortable here, like I was made for Japanese culture and I had to wait this long to find out. I'm back to the slovenly American culture and I'm just uncomfortable. I know this is silly to my family and friends, they are quite ready for me to just accept things and settle down. It just isn't easy. My fiancee is hurt and confused by it. Seems like I've been hurting the people I love lately. I'm not sure if I'm being a selfish jerk or just trying to be honest, the former is more likely I reckon.
I'm not sure who I feel more like, the confused foreigner or the sacred alien thing. I miss my brother.
I'm not sure who I feel more like, the confused foreigner or the sacred alien thing. I miss my brother.
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2 comments:
Your posting made me sad for you, Paul. I think being honest sometimes feels like being selfish, but living a lie, or hiding behind a mask, is really tougher on everyone, especially yourself. Getting to know you better in Taiwan showed me a person who's incapable of intentionally being selfish or hurtful. I see a sensitive, caring, loving person who's realizing there's a huge world out there -- sights to see, boulders to cannonball off of, walls that need a bit of spray paint, squid on a stick that needs a buyer, children who need a caring teacher and a world that needs people like you. Call your brother. I love you, dear nephew. -- Aunt Denise
The power of Google...
Anyway, fellow traveler, the reverse culture shock takes some time. When I left Japan, I was a ghost coming back to the States. You leave paradise and this is what happens. The best thing I did was writing out my adventures. I eventually went for my Masters in English and took that time to write about Japan. Share Japan with people who are willing to listen. I did and found myself still connected to Japan. I have another 10-12 eights before starting my PhD, so you know what I'm doing. Take care.
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