Sometimes I get this crazy urge to create something. I am almost always walled by the fact that everything I create is mediocre at best. I have to take a step back and ask, do I really want to add to the enormous body of mediocrity? I don't just want to create something for creativity's sake. I want something great and beautiful. Something that inspires like the stuff that inspires me. I need to learn to be content with just absorbing the art that's already out there. There is some point where I've got to settle with the idea that it's enough to just consume. But right now that idea is filthy to me, makes me feel bloated, old and mortal.
I sat on the beach this weekend and watched this tenacious surfer paddling around. There were literally NO WAVES on the beach. It wasn't even a nice day out. But there she was. Practicing in protest of the ocean's serenity. It made me a little sad actually.
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Creation is both the act and the result. When you accept only one and deny the other, you betray yourself. The key is to understand and to value each side for itself and what it brings into the world that did not exist before, without regard to the other aspect.
Sometimes the process of creation is painful, tortured, and unrewarding in itself, but results in something great.
Sometimes the process is uplifting, inspirational, and fulfilling, but the result is mundane.
Sometimes both are in harmony, and sometimes neither, but to rob yourself of the whole out of fear of a part is a tragedy.
One thing I've learned from studying Buddhism is the value in letting go of the results of your actions. Trust in the process, do what speaks to your heart, and let the result stand -- or fall -- on its own.
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